Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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