hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
