I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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