u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
