What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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