I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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