One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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