I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
