Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I just put wine in my tea
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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