why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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