After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
