if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize