woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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