that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I deserve this hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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