don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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