I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize