i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
