am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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