I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
