Tell her she can't have a vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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