Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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