I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize