I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
