I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
