Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize