if you like me you must not know who I am
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
