Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
