I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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