well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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