im drinking this country out of the recession.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
