how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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