Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
