did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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