Umm I'm too high to move.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
