I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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