chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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