We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
