people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
