Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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