I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize