We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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