chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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