Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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