The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
