I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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