Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
