Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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