I am spending my child support on dildos
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
