I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am one with the molecules
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
