I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He passed out mid-signature
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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