Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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