Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
