doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
