Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
