your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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