I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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