Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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