Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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