you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
