I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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