I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need moral support for this bender
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
