I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
