Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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