I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
