arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
