So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
