I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
