I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
