there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Randomize
