Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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