why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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