one might say we're banned from that church
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
