I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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