i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Randomize
