susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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