I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize