idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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