i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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