I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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