the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
