She is in my trunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
