Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
