does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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