Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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