my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
